


I'll Be Right Here

by Prettywitchiusaka



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Happy Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, happy couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 14:39:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10766301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettywitchiusaka/pseuds/Prettywitchiusaka
Summary: Post-Shamballa. Roy and Riza have finally entered into a relationship, and are as happy as can be. But Riza still fears for his well being, and one night not only confirms her worst fears, but causes a drastic change between them. Rated T for a brief make out scene.





	I'll Be Right Here

Riza Hawkeye gazed up at the open bedroom door. " _He's still not back yet_ ," she thought to herself. Not that she was concerned; she knew her boyfriend was still in the apartment, somewhere. Probably looking for some ice to put in his scotch, knowing him.

So, she sunk deeper into the pillow she was sitting on and looked down at the latest trashy romance novel she was reading, engrossing herself in the world of the book, once again. Her boyfriend would often tease her for reading such things, saying that they would rot her brain one of these days. But Riza never gave him the satisfaction of being angry. Rather, she would simply remind him that it was perfectly normal for a woman to enjoy a bit of mindless fantasy, once in awhile.

That would usually shut him up. Or, at least it used to. Nowadays, he would often get the last laugh by reminding her that she'd been reading an awful lot of those since they'd started dating.

Since they’d started dating. Riza smiled; in all the years she’d known him, she never once thought she’d actually be able say that sentence, let alone think it.

For as long as she could remember, she had served by his side as his loyal friend and First Lieutenant. Working tirelessly as his bodyguard, she protected him from whatever enemies crossed his path on his way to becoming Furhur. All while clinging to the hope that maybe, he felt the same way she did about him. But it didn’t seem likely.

Her boss was infamous for his womanizing ways, often charming at least one or two woman into bed with him every other week. Riza would get jealous, she would scowl and call them bimbos under her breath, angry that he would lower himself when he could do so much better. But she never went out of her way to stop him. She let him go about his business as usual, supporting him as his friend and colleague despite the love she felt for her superior.

That all changed six months ago when he finally confessed his feelings for her, and vice versa. They’d been together ever since.

They had to dance around the fraternization laws, sure, but at least they were committed to each other.

And that’s how Riza Hawkeye found herself in his apartment on a Saturday night, sitting on his bed while her loyal dog, Black Hayate made himself comfortable on the hardwood floor. Her blonde hair was down, her military jacket and holster were sitting on a nearby desk, and a small carry on bag with some extra cloths were at the foot of the bed.

Since tomorrow was their shared day off, the two had decided to retreat to his apartment and spend what was left of the weekend together. If he ever came back to bed, that is.

"Well, you've certainly made yourself comfortable."

Hearing that, Riza looked up to see her boyfriend and superior officer, Flame Alchemist Colonel Roy Mustang standing in the doorway. He had a glass of scotch in one hand, and the other was tucked away in his military pants pocket. What really caught her attention, though was the playful smirk on his face.

For years, she had denied that she found that smirk as charming as the rest of those brainless hussies he used to take out. Now that they were a couple? She would often return him one of her own.

Just like the one she was flashing him now. "Yes…I hope that doesn't bother you."

He shrugged. "I have a beautiful woman in my bed, why would it bother me?"

The Lieutenant chuckled as she watched him place his drink on the end table and collapse onto the bed with a sigh.

Being high ranking military officers, the two were usually pretty exhausted by the day's end. So, they would leave date night for the weekend and spend their weeknights at each other apartments (usually Roy’s).

There were a few exceptions to this rule, like Valentine's Day or Birthdays, but for the most part, they were usually confined to one of their apartments for most of the work week. But if Riza was being perfectly honest with herself, she really didn't mind. She never knew what she was going to get on their weeknights together.

Sometimes, they would just sit and read books (her a romance novel, him a new book on alchemy), sometimes they would indulge themselves in a long night of love making, or sometimes they would simply make dinner and chat. It really depended on what they were in the mood for.

And while she enjoyed all of those activities, her favourite was probably the nights where they would simply cuddle and talk for hours, telling each other all kinds of things before falling asleep in each other's arms. They could discuss anything, and she wouldn't mind. Just as long as it was him chatting with her, holding her slender body in his strong arms.

But it didn't look like any of that would be happening tonight, the Lieutenant figured. From out of the corner of her eye, she watched Roy roll over onto his back and massage the temple over his one good eye.

"You look pretty tired."

"Of course I am," the Colonel replied. "I think my hand's about to cramp up on me."

Riza kept her eyes focused on her book. "Well, that's not surprising. You've been signing paperwork, all day."

"Yeah, well now I'm starting to remember why I hated doing it so much," he grumbled.

She rolled her eyes. Although really, she shouldn’t have been surprised by this; it was typical Roy.  
Shortly after defeating the former Furhur Bradley two years ago, Roy fell into a deep depression and relocated to a remote outpost in the north. He’d been demoted from Colonel to Corporal, even gave up his title as the Flame Alchemist once his past became too much to bear, again.

Based on all of the stories he told her, it got pretty boring out there, being on watch duty. When he’d been given back his old title, he gave her the impression that he was looking forward to having more to do, again. But now that it had been a few months, it seemed like he was starting to hate having so many responsibilities on his plate.

Again, it wasn’t anything new, Riza reminded herself. Roy had always been lazy when it involved anything outside his fields of interest. Give him a book on politics or alchemy, and he would have it memorized front to back within a few days time. But give him a stack of paperwork, and he would sit on it until the very last minute.

Though, in all fairness, even she couldn't have predicted what he was about to say next. "I swear! This is why paperwork should be outlawed."

"Oh, now you're just being childish."

"Am I?" he asked. "Between the two of us, I must have signed at least twenty stacks, today!"

"That's because you're a high ranking officer," she reminded him.

"So what? I should get punished for it!"

"You're not being punished, you idiot."

"Yeah, then why does it feel like it?" Roy asked her. Noticing she wasn't giving him an answer anytime soon, the Colonel let out a sigh and plopped his mop of raven hair on the pillow.

"I'd rather be involved in an unsolved crime spree, right now."

That made Riza smile. Ever since he’d been promoted back to Colonel, Roy had taken to solving crimes and large cold cases the police couldn't crack with her and the rest of their team. It was his way of, as he put it, "giving back to the people".

She had been relieved when she heard him say that. She often wondered if a lack of any concrete goal had been a contributing factor to his relapse into depression. He had only aspired to be Furhur as a way to atone for his war criminal past, anyway. And it made sense. Not only was it something he could focus on, it gave him purpose, a reason to keep bettering himself as opposed to opting out and killing himself. But his successful assassination of Bradley not only killed any hope of that happening, it left him alone with his demons again, slowly eating away at him until he was nothing but a miserable, depressed husk.

But now he seemed to actually enjoy his new line of work. Probably because he enjoyed the challenge more than anything else, but Riza knew him better than that. For once in his life, he’d finally been given the opportunity to serve his country as a hero, not as a “dog of the military”.

While it was him affecting change on only a smaller scale, it seemed to give him purpose, again. She couldn’t be happier for him; Roy had always worked better when he had something to aspire to, something he could be passionate about, something that would allow him to take charge and spark that determined spirit of his she’d always loved.

"One will come up, soon, Roy. Just be patient."

“Yeah, I know. Crime doesn’t exactly sleep.”

Riza couldn't help but smile when she heard that. Roy had been doing a lot better since he'd returned. He wasn’t as tired as he used to be, he barely drank anymore (save for the occasional glass), and despite her earlier train of thought he had been more attentive at work, lately.

It was amazing what a few months of happiness could do for a person, she observed quietly to herself.

“No, but neither does the military. Although you have to admit, you’ve gotten more efficient at completing your paperwork."

He smirked. "Well, that's because I have a good motivation to finish early."

While her gaze never meet his, the Lieutenant couldn't help but blush a bit at that  
comment. Even though they’d been dating for a few months, now, it was still somewhat hard for her to believe she was really here in his apartment. That she was actually lying on his bed and bickering with him like nothing had changed.

It wasn’t without good reason.

She still remembered that night in her apartment vividly; the night he told her he loved her. After trying to push her away she had pried it out of him, knowing very well he was lying when he said he didn’t want her at his side, again.

Roy had tried to explain that she was better off without him, that she should be with someone who could make her happy. But Riza knew what bullshit that was, and explained to him that if he wants to be with her, he should just go for it because she loves him, too. It took Roy awhile, but he was more than content when he eventually gave into his feelings and admitted he  
not only wanted her, but wanted to make her happy.

That was the first night they spent together, the first night she'd felt complete in a long time. At long last, he had given his heart to her; she belonged to him, and he belonged to her.

But there was still something that haunted Riza, it was something he'd said when he’d been trying to push her away;

" _I don't deserve you…_ "

It hadn't come up again, but there was a part of her that feared it would, that she would loose him for good, this time if he decided it was true.

Suddenly, Riza could feel the weight of the mattress shift from under her. Turning her head, she came to face the Colonel staring lovingly into her eyes. "What is it?"

"You look beautiful sitting there," the alchemist said.

She noticed his tone immediately; it was sincere, if not slightly seductive. Not to mention he was smiling sweetly at her. She wanted to dismiss him, but seeing that smile? She couldn’t help but smile back.

"I'd be flattered if you didn't tell me that all the time,” she teased.

Next thing Riza knew, she felt his warm hand cup her cheek. Without any warning, Roy moved just inches away from her face, still smiling sweetly at her.

"But you are…I can tell...“

Of course, Riza didn't know what to say, she was too busy staring into Roy’s remaining obsidian coloured eye. Noticing the love and sincerity that was dancing in it practically made her swoon internally.

No matter how well she could brush his advances off, Riza was never exactly immune to his charms, she’d always known that. Like any other woman, she would always feel her knees getting weak or her heartbeat race a mile a minute whenever she looked into his eyes. Though not for the same reasons as other women did, she assumed.

Whenever her eyes met his, she always knew exactly what he was thinking, what he was feeling, she knew that she was looking into his soul. And it electrified her each time.

“Of course I am…”

From there, it didn't take long for her to fall under his spell; she closed her eyes and let him deliver a sweet kiss to her lips, the book she’d been reading fell to the side as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Things turned passionate pretty quickly as his hands found their way to her hips and he gently wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in closer to him. Riza breathed a small sigh on his lips, wanting more.

She cupped his face in her hands and started kissing him harder, making him moan. She could feel his hands sliding underneath her black shirt, moaning at the touch of his fingertips on her back, she didn’t care.

Right now, her mind was in a blissful fog as she continued passionately making out with her boyfriend. It certainly helped that he was a good kisser.

Suddenly, she found that Roy had broken their lip lock. Before she could even ask, he quickly pulled her shirt over her head, exposing her bra clad top to the crisp air of the room and making her shiver.

When Riza did open her eyes, she was greeted by the sight of her boyfriend grinning impishly at her, holding her shirt on the tip of his fingers like he’d just won a huge victory over her. And he probably did; she never said a word as she watched him toss her shirt off to the side.

Before the Lieutenant could even say anything in response, Roy beat her to it by wrapping his arms around her waist again and gently slipping his tongue into her mouth, making her moan. Before long, they had fallen back onto the bed with him lying on top of her.

When they broke their lip lock, Riza opened her eyes and found herself staring up at Roy’s expression. He had that boyish, flirtatious smirk on his face, making her smile. She knew exactly what that look meant, but it managed to win her over every single time. "I thought you were tired."

"Yeah, but then I remembered that we have that exploratory mission, tonight. If you're up for it, that is, Lieutenant?" he asked her.

The Lieutenant chuckled. "Then by all means, explore, Colonel…"

Riza let out an ecstatic moan as he started trailing kisses down her neck, all while she began the task of undoing the buttons on his military dress shirt.  
…………………………………………………

Riza giggled. She couldn’t help it, though. There was a warm, sticky substance was licking her every few seconds, tickling at her bare skin.

“Stop that,” she muttered.

It didn’t. And with every lick, her eyelids slowly opened and she grew more confused as to what was slobbering her arm. Moaning groggily, Riza turned her head to see Black Hayate sitting at her side.

"What's wrong, Hayate?"

The dog whined for a bit. His black eyes had widened as far as they could, and he was jumping up and down like it was going out of style.

Riza cocked her head at the dog, wondering what he could possibly want. Was he hungry? No; he never really ate at night. Could he not sleep? Not likely. He was very much a creature of habit; always up at seven, and asleep by eleven.

“ _What could he possibly want?_ ” she wondered. Not that Hayate cared; he let out a bark and his whines were starting to get louder. His mistress was no pushover, though. She pressed her finger to her lips and shushed him quietly.

Riza’s attention soon turned to the little, gold alarm clock on her boyfriend’s nightstand. Her eyes widened when she looked at the time; it was 3 AM…And Hayate was practically nipping at her feet…

She chuckled. “You need to go outside, don't you?" The dog barked again. This time, his tail was wagging, and he was panting like no tomorrow. It made her smirk; looks like she guessed right. “Okay, let's go."

With a happy little bark, the Shiba Inu jumped off the mattress. A warm smile formed on his mistress’s lips as she slowly went to get out of bed, herself.

Her eyes widened, though when she realized that something, or rather someone, was restricting her movement. Riza sighed; it looked like Roy had his arms wrapped around her, again, like she was his teddy bear, or something.

Not that she was opposed to it, on principle. She actually found that she quite enjoyed cuddling up to him at night. But when her dog had an emergency at three in the morning? The Lieutenant couldn’t help but wonder sometimes if it was really worth it.

Riza sat herself up as best she could and looked down at his hands, wanting to see how bad the “damage” was. She groaned; it was worse than she thought. Not only did he have a tight grip on her waist, but his hands had moulded themselves onto her hips, as well. Riza sighed, again; this was not going to be easy, not if she wanted to avoid waking her lover.

Slowly, she reached for his right hand first, carefully removing it from her hip finger by finger so as not to awaken him. Once she’d pried his pinky finger away from her body, she gently placed it onto the side. So far, so good.

She quickly went to work on the other one, going finger by finger. It was all good until she heard a soft grunt from Roy. Riza cringed; she couldn’t have woken him, could she? She turned to face her boyfriend, ready to apologize, if necessary, only to find he was still fast asleep.

Riza breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that, completely incapable of pulling her eyes away from his sleeping form. She could feel herself relax as she took in the image, allowing a warm smile to form on her face. It was rare for her to see the Flame Alchemist in a deep slumber, completely oblivious to the world around him.

She chuckled sweetly at the sight of his chest moving up and down in sync with his breathing. Or his light snoring, rather. Maybe enough to annoy someone else, but not her. But what really warmed her heart was how tranquil his facial features were. His mouth had settled into an O shape, exhaling his snores onto the fabric of his pillow, and his unopened eye was completely relaxed. It was so un-Mustang like.

Her smile widened at the thought; Roy would never let himself be caught dead looking so “uncool” in front of anyone else. But in the company of friends and her, in particular, he was more than okay to let go and be lazy every once in awhile. It was something she loved about him.

She wished he could always look this calm and at peace as she brushed a lock of hair away from his eye, but even she knew that was impossible. Still, at least she had these private moments that only she was exposed to.

Gently, Riza traced his cheek with her finger before cupping it. A small smile grazed her features as she leaned in and left a quick, chaste kiss on his forehead.

Hayate started barking again. “I’m coming, Hayate.”

The Lieutenant finally crawled out of the bed and made a quick trip to the bathroom to put on her new bathrobe. It had been something Roy had bought her for her birthday a few months ago, telling her that he’d noticed she could use a new one. She loved the white garment from then on and wore it often, satisfied to know that he was so considerate of her needs.

She placed the floor length robe around her naked form, allowing herself to feel the soft fabric envelope her skin before tying the belt into a loose knot.

The Lieutenant grabbed the dog leash from the bathroom sink and walked towards the bedroom door. She attached the leash to Hayate’s collar and the dog happily lead his mistress out of the bedroom.

A few minutes later, Riza found herself and Hayate walking back towards Roy’s bedroom, and not a moment too soon, she figured. She let out a yawn as she made her way into the bedroom, ready to snuggle up to her sleeping boyfriend, again.

“No!”

Riza jumped up a bit, taking in a few deep breaths. “What was that?” she wondered.

It wasn’t until she saw what was on the bed that her eyes widened; it was Roy. He was thrashing his body all over the mattress, screaming the word “no” over and over, like he was in pain, or something.

"Roy?" The Lieutenant crawled onto the bed and moved towards him. Now that she was at his side, she couldn’t help but feel her eyes widen with fear; it was even worse up close. His face was contorted, as if he were being subjected to some sort of terrible torture, and his screams of no were getting louder.

"Roy?" she asked as she gently shook his shoulders. No reaction. "Roy, snap out of it!

Still no response. All out of options, Riza put on a brave face and used her last resort. "Roy!" she yelled while gently slapping his face, hoping it would wake him up. "ROY!"

That did the trick; a few seconds later, Roy’s obsidian eye opened and he started panting heavily. Feeling a warm hand on his cheek, he looked up to find himself staring into the concerned eyes of his girlfriend.

"Riza…" he whispered.

Quietly, he sat up in the bed and just stared blankly at the wall. Concerned, Riza placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you alright? What happened?"

The Flame Alchemist never answered her, though. He just kept staring at the wall, completely tranced out.

"Roy?…"

Again, nothing. It was like he didn't even hear her. Fortunately, the Lieutenant was never one to give up so easily. She tightened her grip on his shoulder and shook him gently. "Roy?"

"I keep…," he finally said, much to her surprise. "I keep seeing so many faces…all of their horrified faces!…"

It was then that Riza's expression softened; now it all made sense. "You were dreaming about Ishbal, again…"

Roy never answered her, but the pained look on his face was more than enough to assure her her hunch was correct. While he never said anything about it, she always knew that he still suffered from nightmares of his time in that bloodbath of a war zone.

She could always tell from the bloodshot eyes that would stare blankly out the office window, the depressed sounding sighs he would let out, or the stolen sips of scotch from his hidden flask he'd take mid-afternoon when he thought no one was looking.

For years, she had wanted to say something. Always wanted to ask him if he was alright, and to comfort him if his answer was no. But that just wasn’t possible. Strict military regulations required no fraternization between colleagues, anything beyond mere friendship was strictly forbidden.

Personally, Riza had always thought those rules were so stupid. She’d seen combat first hand, she knew how damaging it could be to one’s psyche. Yes, soldiers needed to be professional around the office, but it shouldn’t stop them from seeking help. Especially from someone who would understand, like a fellow solider. And yet, she couldn’t deny that Roy felt a bit differently about that than she did.

He always prided himself on appearing the epitome of confidence, never showing anything that would make him look weak to his competition, not even to their little team. She could never deny him that, her own devotion to him as a soldier was too great. So, she went along with it year after year, letting him tell her that he was alright, even when they both knew he was lying through his teeth.

But things were different, now; they were no longer just superior officer and subordinate, they were a man and a woman in love. She had a chance to help him now if she absolutely wanted to, and she did. So Riza moved her hand to his upper back and rubbed her fingers in a circular motion in between his shoulder blades, hoping it would keep him calm.

She’d already watched helplessly as he became a depressed shell of a man once, hell would freeze over before she would let it happen again.

"It's okay," she whispered. "It was just a dream…"

Roy slowly turned to face her warm, amber eyes smiling at him, telling him that everything was alright. It made him smile sadly at her. She really was a wonderful woman, he thought. She was always there for him, always making sure he didn't fall apart, be it on the job, or in private. It was probably the reason why, among other things, he'd fallen in love with her in the first place.

So then why? Why did he feel like… "I don’t deserve you…“

Riza froze. “ _No, no, not again!_ ” she thought. Why was he saying those words? Hadn't she made her feelings for him clear by now? Wasn’t he the one who said he-

“ _No! Stop it!_ ” Riza ordered herself. This wasn’t about her right now, it was about Roy.

He may have been a good actor, but even he couldn’t hide his body language from her. His whole upper torso was still shaking like a leaf, and a string of tears was threatening to fall from his eye. He needed her, more than she could possibly know.

So Riza gave him a warm smile and said “Don’t be silly. Of course, you do-”

“No I don’t!” he snapped, surprising her. “I mean…you’re so kind and thoughtful…Why do you put up with me?”

“Because I love you.”

“But why? What could I have possibly done to earn your affection?”

Her eyes widened at that, they were practically on the verge of tears themselves. It’s like what she saw in him he couldn’t see in himself. “Roy-"

"I mean after everything I've put you through…why would you still want someone like me?…After all the things I've done…all the blood that's on my hands…Why would anyone want a heartless bastard like me?" he asked, his voice wavering up and down.

It took Riza bitting down on her lip to keep herself from balling her eyes out, she couldn’t take much more of this.

It had been years since she’d seen Roy so broken, but he looked less like a man and more like a lost child searching for his mother. The somber, distraught look that grazed his handsome face was one she hadn’t seen him wear since the Eastern Rebellion, and it was one she remembered vividly; it had been that exact same expression he’d worn when he nearly killed himself in front of her.

Even worse was what he was saying; that no one deserved a heartless bastard like him, not even her. He thought it then, he still thought it now. She couldn’t understand it. How many times had she told him how silly he was being? That she’d seen the heart he hid behind his womanizing and arrogance. The heart he’d often shown her when they were alone. It was the reason she fell in love with him, the reason she stayed with him. And yet, he still believed himself unworthy of her affection.  
It made her want to cry.

" _Don't_ ," she ordered herself. If she broke down too, than it was all over. "Roy, please-"

"Sometimes I wonder…if I had just ended it back there…if I hadn't been such a coward…," he said while gritting his teeth. He knew he was about to cry, even though he didn’t want to; not in front of her. "Then maybe thing would be better…maybe if I was dead than they could-"

Next thing Roy knew, he felt himself being pressed up against the small frame of his girlfriend. One of her hands was gently stroking his upper back while the other was laced through the locks of his raven hair.

Roy just sat there; his good eye bulged out as far as it could go, and his mouth hanging wide open. He didn’t know what to say as he let her hold him in her embrace. All he knew was that it made his thoughts stop save for one.

“Riza-“

"Ssshhh…It's okay…" And just like that, The Flame Alchemist couldn't hold it in, anymore; he finally let himself cry. He buried his face into the nape of her neck, and wrapped his arms around her tiny body. Sobbing softly into her robe as she gently stroked his back.

"I'm right here…," she whispered to him. "Just listen to my voice and try to relax…Feel yourself becoming more calm, feel yourself letting go…"

"I love you…,” he whispered in between his sobs. “Please, don't leave me!" "I won't…I promise…But you need to relax, Roy…Just listen to my voice and think about what makes you happy…"

"Thank you…"

Riza didn't say anything else to him, that night. She just kept on with what she'd been doing before, telling him that everything would be okay. At least she hoped so.  
…………………………………………………

Riza took a bite out of one of the pastrami sandwiches she was making, dissatisfied with its taste. “ _Needs more mayo_ ,” she decided. So, she grabbed another slice of bread and started spreading the condiments with a butter knife, making sure to spread the mustard and mayo evenly, this time.

In addition to the pastrami ones she was currently making, the Lieutenant had also made several other kinds of sandwiches. There was Eggsalad, Cucumber with Dill flavoured Cream Cheese, Ham and Cheese, and Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jam for herself and Hayate. She’d even managed to make a nice, big salad for two and some chocolate pudding for later.

She couldn’t help it, though; it was all she could do to keep herself calm after last night.

It hadn’t taken long for Roy to calm down; after an hour of comforting him, of letting him cry into her robe, he finally fell asleep, again. And for that, she was grateful.

It was Riza who had trouble sleeping after that whole incident. Every time her eyes were about to droop shut, she would hear Roy stirring. Fearing the worst, she’d roll over in bed to face him, only to find that he was fast asleep.

It became too much to bear after awhile, and at 6:30 A.M., she finally made the decision to get out of bed and start the day early. After a warm shower and a quick change of cloths, Riza retreated into the kitchen, leaving Roy to sleep for a bit. Being their day off, today, she figured that maybe a good morning’s rest and a picnic out in the country would do him some good…Maybe…  
Riza sighed. It’s not that she’d never seen Roy so distraught before, she had. She could still remember a time when he’d nearly isolated himself after Ishbal. It’s just that him being in such distress, coupled with him saying he didn’t deserve her…well it just confirmed her worst fears.

That no matter how happy they were, no matter how much he loved her, he still believed himself to be unworthy of happiness.  
“ _I should have seen this coming_ ,” Riza thought to herself.

Depression didn’t just disappear overnight, she knew that better than anyone. So why? Why would she allow herself to ignore the inevitability of his demons coming back to haunt him? Probably because she had gotten what she wanted; to be with him. And in doing so, she’d allowed herself to grow complacent.

The Lieutenant frowned at her reflection in the kitchen window, knowing that she couldn’t let this happen, again. If they were going to get through this, she needed to talk to him about it. Even if that meant-

BARK!

Riza nearly jumped out of her skin at that familiar little bark. Taking in a few deep breaths, she looked down and saw Black Hayate; tail wagging, tongue hanging out, and clawing at her knee high skirt in an attempt to nab some food from his mistress.

Riza smiled warmly at the little dog and held out the sandwich to him.

“Here you go.”

Hayate didn’t waste any time swiping the dainty from his mistress and ran across to his bed, making her chuckle. She rarely ever fed him table scraps, but she like being generous right now. Besides, once in awhile wasn’t the end of the world.

Riza turned her attention back to the large plate of sandwiches she had resting by the sink and grabbed it, placing them in the fridge to chill for a bit. With lunch already made and her boyfriend still asleep, she planned to make herself a cup of coffee and catch up on some reading until he woke up. That way, they could have breakfast, together.

Riza closed the door to the fridge and took a brief glance into the lounge area of Roy’s apartment, only to notice something missing; Hayate. He was nowhere to be seen. Neither was the sandwich she’d given him, either.

Even worse was the trail of breadcrumbs she saw leading into the hallway, the left side of the hallway, specifically. Riza let out a small growl as she walked into the hallway, ready to put her pet in his place.

Reaching the doorway to Roy’s bedroom, she started to say “Hayate, how many times have I told you not to-"Only to feel her eyes widen as she entered the room.

It was Roy; he was sitting on the bed, wearing his blue bathrobe. And Hayate? He was sitting next to The Flame Alchemist. Not that he seemed to mind; there was a gentle smile on his face as he let the little dog eat the tiny piece of sandwich he had betwixt his fingers.

Riza didn’t quite know what to make of this. She just stood there for the longest time, mouth agape as she took in this sight. That is until Roy looked up to face her.

She tensed up for a moment, not sure of what to say. She didn’t have to though. Roy flashed her a smile and said “Good morning, Riza.”

“Good morning…”

The Lieutenant couldn’t help but blush; she hadn’t expected to see him smile so soon. Roy, on the other hand, chuckled at her reaction. His smile soon turned into a grin as he tore off a small piece of sandwich for himself and ate it. His eye widened in delight as he swallowed the piece of food. “Did you make this?”

“Yes. Do you like it?

“Yeah, it’s not bad,” he remarked with that teasing smirk of his. “Could use some salt, though.”

She smiled sadly at him; it was only a few hours, and already he'd returned to his jokey demeanour. Which meant he probably wasn’t in the mood to discuss what happened last night.

“ _He’s not getting out of it that easily_ ,” she thought to herself.

She balled her hands into tight fists, and took a deep breath; it was now or never. “Roy-“

"I'm sorry about last night…” Riza’s eyes widened as she stared at the stoic expression on her boyfriend’s face. “I was hoping you'd never have to see that…"

Riza bit down on her lip, barely resisting the urge to break down and cry at the vulnerability in his voice. But she kept up her poker face and soldiered on; whatever happened, she had to remain strong.

“I don’t see why you have to be…It was bound to happen sometime.”

He smiled sadly at her. “Right…But saying I don’t deserve you…I’m sure that probably freaked you out…”

"Is that how you feel?"

Now it was her turn to watch as Roy stared up her with wide eyes, unsure of what to say. He didn’t do that, though. Instead, The Flame Alchemist avoided her gaze. The surprised look on his face quickly changed into a more thoughtful, somber one. He even started running his hands through his long locks of hair, like he wasn’t sure how to verbalize what he wanted to say.

"Roy; I want you to be honest with me."

He remained silent again. It made her nervous, wondering what on earth could he possibly have to say. After awhile, he finally let out a deep, tired sounding sigh.

"Yes…”

In that moment, Riza took a deep breath through her nose. She wanted to laugh. She wanted to cry. She wasn’t sure which one she wanted, but it really wouldn’t matter either way because he’d just told her what she didn’t want to hear. What she knew his answer would be, all along. Still didn’t mean it hadn’t upset her.

Of course his answer was going to be yes. What else had she been expecting him to-

“I know, it’s stupid, right? I actually feel happy for the first time in a long time.”

Riza’s head shot up in time to see that all knowing, sad smile that always formed on his face whenever he became introspective.

“The last few months we’ve been together, I feel at peace. Whenever I look at your face, I feel like I can keep moving forward for you…But then I have those dreams, and I feel like I don’t deserve you. I don’t want to feel that way, but I do…And I don’t know what to do about it…”

Her eyes widened; did she hear that right? He actually hated feeling like an undeserving piece of shit? That was the last thing she expected to come out of his mouth.

And yet the more she thought about it, the more it made her want to kick herself and kick herself hard; he was just as scared of himself relapsing into depression as she was. How could she not have noticed that sooner?

“Some girlfriend I turned out to be,” she thought to herself.

“Look, I don’t blame you for being mad at me-“

“I’m not mad at you.”

Roy looked up to see his girlfriend staring up at him quite stoically. “You’re not?”

Riza let out a sigh. “Of course not, you idiot!” she said as she sat herself down on the bed beside him. “I am worried about you, though.”

For some reason, he couldn’t help but smile at that. “Yeah, well I don’t blame you; I’m worried about me, too.”

Riza just stared at her boyfriend, letting him take his time to process what he was going to say next. “I want this to work, Riza. I really do…I’m just scared…”

For whatever reason, she couldn’t help but smile at that remark. Somehow knowing that they were on the same wavelength made her feel more at peace.

Without warning him, she gently took one of his hands in her own. Surprised, he turned to see Riza smiling warmly at him.  
“You won’t be alone this time; I’ll be right here with you.” Roy’s eye widened at that statement. Before he could say anything, she cupped his cheek in her hand. “I won’t let you slip away from me, again.”

She watched as her boyfriend gave her a grateful smile, practically on the verge of tears at this point. "Thank you…"

Riza didn't waste anytime giving him a small peck on the lips, one which he happily reciprocated; it felt good to know that she was helping him make a difference in his world.

They broke their kiss a moment later, and when Riza opened her eyes, she was greeted with Roy smiling sweetly at her.

"So, I guess it’s lunchtime?” he asked playfully.

“Actually, it’s only 8:30.”

“Really? Then what was with that sandwich?”

"Well, I was going to let you sleep in, this morning. I figured after you got up that we could go for a picnic out in the country, today. That way, we could both relax and not have to hide the fact that we’re a couple.”

Roy’s smile widened into a big grin, making her chuckle. It always drove him nuts how they couldn't show any public displays of affection for fear of getting caught. Not that she could blame him; after years of one night stands and drunken hookups, why wouldn’t he want to show off that he was actually in love?

"That sounds like a wonderful idea."

She smiled warmly. "I thought you might say that."

“Oh, really?” he asked. All while wrapping his free arm around her waist and pulling her into him. “You sure about that?”

“Well, I should think so,” the blonde replied.

The two shared a sweet, chaste kiss before staring lovingly at each other for a moment.

Riza placed her hands on his chest and said “Go have a shower, I’ll make us some breakfast.”

Roy stared at her like she’d suddenly grown a second head. “Aren’t we at my apartment? I should be the one making you breakfast.”

“You’ve had a rough night,” she replied. “You can make me breakfast, tomorrow.”

He smiled. “Right…”

Riza flashed him a smile, too and made her way back into the hall. And while she returned to the kitchen, she kept that smile on. And why not? It felt nice to be a little more confident about her relationship and how it would continue growing stronger with each passing day.

The End


End file.
